Fandom: Queer as Folk
Author: dancinbutterfly also known as Ellidyay
Characters: Brian, Michael
Prompt: 49. Heart
Word Count: 1,027 words
Warnings: m/m sex
Spoilers: Um...all of Season 1?
Summary: Michael does what he should have done years ago - he sucks it up and confronts Brian about all that unresolved sexual tension.
Disclaimer: Yeah, if they were mine, Ben would be in Tibet, Vic would have lived forever, Debbie would have learned to shut her mouth, Justin would still be with the fiddler and Michael and Brian would be constantly doing the dirty, on screen, in technicolor.
Author’s Notes: Psuedo-sequel to Reflections but it can stand alone, my response to prompt 1 of Moan. People *cough cough*ajmckay *cough cough* wanted to know how that whole thing worked out for Michael so...here it is. For Karine who feels like crap. Feel better sweetie! Hope this helps!
Recap: Queer as Folk Kinky Table
Jesus, he wishes that Brian would stop staring at him like that, like he’s an alien who’s grown a second head right in front of him.
“Look, it doesn’t have to mean anything, I’m just tired of it being between us.” He fidgets a little, unable to meet his eyes. “I just…” He sighs, this is not going at all like he planned, which was that he would tell Brian exactly what he wanted with confidence and self-assurance. He’s failing but he’s trying to stay honest. “I’m sick of it being there and I’m sick of wanting you like this. So, I figure we can just fuck and get it out of the way so I can get the hell on with my life.”
Brian’s a statue in the middle of the loft’s living room and it’s driving Michael crazy. He can’t read his expression and he’s not fucking saying anything. Jesus if he would just say something he’d be able to stop the nervous babbling but as it is he cant seem to stop the stream of self-conscious words pouring from his mouth.
“If you don’t want me, that’s ok. I didn’t think you did. It’s just… Just, fuck, tell me what you’re thinking, Brian. Please.”
It’s a good two minutes before he speaks and it’s the longest two minutes of Michael’s life.
“You honestly think I don’t want you?”
“Well, yeah.” After all, how many times had Brian pushed him away from a kiss that had gone on a little too long?
“You’re a fucking idiot, Mikey.”
Michael’s self-esteem dies another painful death, but he does his best to put up a brave face. Still, he wonders how many more times he can take hearing things like that before he just gives up. More than he’d like, probably.
“You’re a fucking idiot if you think I haven’t wanted you since the first time I saw you.” Brian finishes. “But this is a really bad idea.”
“Because it’ll never be just sex with us. You can’t do just sex.”
“Yes I can. I have before, I will again.”
“Not with me.”
“Yes I can.”
That’s a bold faced fucking lie but he practiced in the mirror for two weeks before he actually approached Brian. It’s believable and he knows it. Even his eyes, which are his most telling feature, are sincere.
“Well I can’t.”
Anything would have shocked him less. Anything. “I don’t buy it,” “I don’t want you,” “I’m getting monogamous with Justin,” hell even “I’ve decided that after over a decade and a half of fucking everything with a dick I really like women better and have decided to become a breeder,” would have been less of an earth shattering statement for Michael.
“I can’t do that with you,” Brian says in that voice he used when he was trying to play off a big thing as nothing.
“Do what? I need some clarification here.” Michael asks, desperately groping for purchase against the spiraling clusterfuck his life is becoming.
“Fuck without any feelings involved.”
“So what are you saying?”
“You need me to fucking spell it out for you? I can’t have sex with you without it being something more.” Brian’s eyes don’t meet his. “I can’t and I won’t.”
“So that’s it then.” Michael says with a heavy sigh and figures that he should have expected this. Brian’s always been out of reach, and maybe that was a good thing. Yeah, he didn’t really believe that either. He starts to leave but before he does he steels himself and addresses the most important thing in this issue. “Hey, Brian, you’ve always known I wanted you and it never stopped us from being close before. Don’t let it stop us now, all right? This doesn’t change things between you and me.”
He turns to go but a vice-like grip on his upper arm pulls him back. Michael does his best to keep his responses under control as his body was pulled flush against Brian’s.
“The fuck it doesn’t,” Brian snarls before attacking Michael’s mouth with a depth and passion he’s never allowed himself to release before.
Things change fast, so fast Michael’s head is spinning. Nothing’s ever been like this, not the aborted hand job over Patrick Swayze in his bedroom, not his first fuck, not things with David. Nothing.
Clothes rip and tear as they’re pulled off with an animalistic desperation. Short fingernails leave long red scratches on smooth skin. Purpling bruises left by sucking mouths and overenthusiastic hands painted necks and chests and stomachs and thighs.
“Need to be in you,” Brian's breath is hot on Michael’s ear as he grinds against him from behind. “Fucking dying to be in you. So fucking long I’ve been dying to be inside you. Years.”
Apparently sex makes Brian a little more honest than he usually is. Michael’s never noticed that before. He likes it.
And then he is, he’s deep inside like Michael’s wanted his whole fucking life. His fists clench in the dark sheets of Brian’s bed and he can’t control the noises coming out of his mouth and neither can Brian.
“Michael, Jesus Christ, you are so fucking hot.” Brian murmurs, his tongue tracing meaningless designs on the skin of Michael’s neck, back and shoulders. “So hot, inside and outside. So fucking good. Fuck,” he moans but his next words are whispered directly into Michael’s ear, “Being in you’s like coming home.”
The words hit Michael like a semi-truck and are enough to send him screaming into the oblivion of pleasure. He hears and feels Brian come more than he can see it, but then again he can’t really see anything but the lights erupting behind his eyelids. It’s his name, low and hoarse that Brian cries out as he comes.
He lets Brian take him down with him as he falls over onto his side. They’re pressed together like two spoons in a drawer like they have been so many times before. Brian’s hand snakes around and rests itself over Michael’s heart and with a sudden startling clarity Michael realizes that he’s not afraid of how things will be tomorrow.